 | Comparing our kidsposted by EvelynKrieger , Room613 CommunityTuesday, August 25th 2009 @ 1:17 PM |
So, Chaya Cohen is in third grade like your daughter, except Chaya goes to day school and your Sarale is homeschooled. Your daughter loves homeschooling and so do you. But when Chaya Cohen's mother tells you that her daughter can read Rashi and write a composition in Ivrit, your old insecurities rise to the surface. Oy. Is my kid up to par?
We all do it. As Jewish homeschooling parents, it's only natural for us to compare our kids to others in yeshivas and day schools (and homeschools as well!) We take pride in our homeschooled children's middos, their creativity, their love of learning, and excitement about Yiddishkeit, yet we drive ourselves crazy by worrying if we are doing ENOUGH.
Okay, so there is some rationale for this madness. Our children may return to yeshiva at some point. We want them to be on grade-level. Maybe we didn't grow up religious and feel insecure about providing proper chinuch. We want the best. We take the awesome responsibility of giving over our mesorah seriously.
A few points to consider: there is a cost to comparing our kids to the Cohen kids and obsessing over specific skill mastery and grade levels--we stress our kids and ourselves and overlook the advantages and intangible gifts of homeschooling. Insisting that your 8 year old son daven the entire shemonah esrai because that's what the yeshiva kids are doing is not keeping the best interest of your son in the forefront. If we let ourselves get bogged down about how many pesukim our child has memorized, or how many Hebrew verbs she can conjugate, we become nearsighted.
Certainly we can use the day school curriculum as a guide, but the ultimnate guide should be our child. "Chinuch l'naor al pi darcho"--(Educate a child according to his way) is an often quoted Jewish precept and essential to homeschool philosophy. We ask ourselves: what works best for my child in these circumstances at this time? But we shouldn't forget the rest of this wise saying: "so that he will not depart from it when he is old." Your child will, G-d willing, be davening his entire life which means his skills, commitment, and kavanah are an evolving process. The bigger question is: will he want to remain a practicing Jew?
So as we start the school year, let's begin with the goal in mind. Practically speaking, you might try writing a mission statement for your homeschool and post in on the fridge. Next, work on identifying the specific learning goals you have for your child and how you will help him get there. Consider a timetable. Rather than stressing that your child is still on sefer Beresheis, try mapping out a plan for learning the other sefarim. ( Hopefully, your child will be a part of this planning as well.) Finally, don't forget to make of list of what your child CAN do!
Now comes the hardest part in freeing yourself from keeping up with the Cohens: you must take a long honest look at your child as a developing neshama. Watch. Observe. Listen. Is Judaism a burden? What is her attitude toward Torah and mitzvot? Does she have good middos? Does he enjoy learning (at least some of the time!) Which middos are her strength? Which middos are lacking? What positive Jewish experiences does your child have? Does she talk about G-d? What are your child's unique gifts?
Hopefully, you will be pleased with the answers and they will bring you comfort even if your child can't yet write in Hebrew script. If not, then you have some work to do, but not the kind that comes from a workbook.
I hope to revisit this topic throughout the year, and share examples from my own family. Meanwhile, what is your big picture?
